What Could Have Been

I have always lived inside.

Once, I dared to go outside, 

knowing you'd slip in, unnoticed --

colorless as the air you drew 

from my lips when we kissed.

But I imagine more than I see;

I imagine truth where there are lies 

and lies where there are truths.

And I'm too terrified to trust my eyes.

So I ran to a familiar place; now,

I'm tucked inside my hollow cave, 

crowded by silence and 

suffocating from too much air.

Yet, I feel safe in my sadness.

because I know how to live with it;

It has been my companion for years.

And I couldn't outlive another betrayal.

Still, you skulk around my mind 

stirring nostalgia and regret, 

for having abandoned 

what could have been true.

You'd flung open my heart

before I knew yours.

I sit here, a quiet coward,

waiting to forget you. 

© 2014 Helena Malheur

M.W.

If

If I wanted to be needed,

It isn't to be the object of desire;

It isn't hard to be lusted after.

But if I surrendered to lust

It isn't that I lived to be sinful;

It is because I was derailed.

If I needed to know someone 

Who needed to know me,

It does not make me a dreamer.

And for he who can make my heart 

Play rhythms I cannot pronounce,

I will forever long to be the one.

© 2014 Helena Malheur