Wednesday, August 20, 2014

If Only

If Only

If I could close my eyes 
And never see your face
Or if I could forget the way 
Your hair fell on your face --
Demanding that tantalizing flip 
Which naturally came afterward. 

If I could let go of your crooked 
Smile, the corner of your mouth 
Turned up as if in contempt.
If I could never remember the way 
You held the fake cigarette 
With your teeth while you spoke.

If I could just believe the truth
Behind your lucid eyes --
That they spoke of lust not love.
If I could wake to never hear 
Your name resonate in my ears
Like a song stuck in my head.

If I could learn that you never 
Meant it when you said we'd have
Beautiful children together.
If I never loved you deeply,
Passionately and patiently,
And you said nothing in return.

If only I waited for your call and 
Gave up never knowing the truth --
I never learned how to play this game --
That you, simply got tired of me.
If only then, I may have known
How to live without you. 

© 2014 Helena Malheur 

Monday, August 18, 2014

I am loath to love you

Smooth as the slippery steps 
I climbed to search for your heart, 
Your tongue clearly knew my way. 

You've already said 
There is no need to wait. 
I listened but heard nothing. 

I am loath to love you,
To breathe when you
Don't understand my worth;

And the hours keep counting,
Backwards and forwards --
Marking my descent into the dark.

I wait for something. 
Nothing happens; and I stand
Alone, in the dark, cradling my heart. 

© 2014 Helena Malheur 

Saturday, July 26, 2014

A storm can only last so long

It's a beautiful world
Look up, look around;
Be aware of your own presence.
See the master at work;
You are the creator.
Imagine it and it will be yours.

Shapes will become clearer,
And sound more resilient
Than the winds that change
And discourage your flight.
A storm can only last so long.
The sun is waiting to rise
With your spirit, your heart.

Paint the world with love,
Punctuate your steps
With enthusiasm 
And happiness will follow.
Tip your hat to sadness;
Bid it adieu.
It's time to own your fate. 

2014 Helena Malheur 

Monday, June 9, 2014

Right Is Never Right

I heard those five words even before we met, 
Long before I watched the mist settle 
On the white lilies you planted in our backyard --
Tearing the milky fog blanketing the air.

I stood in the rain waiting for the storm. 
I never asked you to stand in the rain. 
Stay under the sun.  Sleep with the moon. 
Scoop the stars from the sky 
And throw them away; I don't need light. 

I am damp as the grass beneath my feet, 
Long after the rain subsided; 
Bones soaked in melancholia, 
Even you can't wring it out of me.

But she, the little lily white bud, bathing in your sun --
She must look up at you, in awe,   
With her big green eyes and dark brown hair. 
I imagined her, ever since I saw the moon light 
Seep through the moss covered trees in your front yard.

And I still refuse to listen to the right voices singing 
The right songs. I listen to your voice. 
I listen to those five little words that sunk a ship. 
"I don't love you anymore."

Because wrong is so right it feeds on denial,
Like a parasite. and right is never right in the wrong light.
In this cricket hour, the remembering hour,
I must forget to remember regret; and once more, 
Abandon a girl more malleable than me. 

P.H.

© 2014 Helena Malheur 

Monday, May 26, 2014

Let Go

Leap fearlessly into the green horizon.
Take a deep breath and feel the brevity
Of this melancholy hour; the battle
Will be over soon, as soon as you let go. 
Let go, because mutiny against reality is futile.
Let go of absurd conjectures of possibility.
Life is happenstance; it is a wonderers paradox.
Let it be erect in its truth, its horror. 

2014 Helena Malheur