Freedom

You must know that we will end sometime.

For me, sometime will come too soon.

It interrupts my dreams,

shakes me awake in the middle of the night.

It is raining now. I feel the rain falling on my hair

and I remember how much you love the rain.

So, I dance in the grass, bare footed like a child,

and I wait for you to come back and take me inside.

I wish to sink inside the curves of your arms,

watch your eyes stare mine still and

feel our thirsty breaths become quenched.

And for a moment, I want to fall in love with you.

Instead, I'll find myself sinking deeper into reality 
like a boulder sinks in the sea.

and your breath will become colder,

your eyes won't hold my gaze and I'll pull away;

fear itself trembles inside my chest

at the thought of falling in love with you.

I wish I could let go, just for a moment,

so I can recall the freedom of feeling everything.

But I've learned that feelings open new wounds 
like burrowing a hole in the pit of my gut;

I neither have the will nor the energy 
to forget another once more.  

Could it be that I am already there?

Am I in love with you and I don’t know it?

I belong to no one and no one belongs to me;

It is the only truth I know and there is freedom in that too.  

© 2012 Helena Malheur