It’s still too dark in here

I don't need to be desired,

nor do I seek admiring eyes;

I walk with purpose, with dignity,

as if every step is a promise

to something good – an endorsement

for a life well-preserved.   

But this path is a cruel circle;

There are no forks to ponder

or bridges to cross.

I’d never been nearer to a dream

yet felt so far from feeling elation.  

The only constant in my gut 

is the pool of angst standing silent,

steady, stagnant, and stubborn.  

It's still too dark in here.

I carry a hollow heart,

an insatiable longing.

And like an empty cave,

my core echoes, my body raw

with need for warmth –

broad shoulders and gentle arms –.

I was loved, once; but 

he stifled me out of  my own life.  

Perhaps that was not love.

© 2013 Helena Malheur

Blue is a good color

I have yet to find a bottomless sea;

Inevitably all things float up to the surface

as if summoned by God himself.

Even the grand ocean with its vast secrets

is powerless against blemished memories.

Though God has since given me courage

to walk on this tightrope, this life, 

madness is nearer now; and it walks
not amongst the shadows lurking

behind a fate of my inheritance,

but alongside me in broad daylight. 

It lies next to me as I fall asleep

and talks nonsense in the middle of the night.

It burrows my ever longing heart

widening the wounds that fester inside.

No matter, I shall take its outstretched hand

and walk forward, not a step missed,

nor a whimper uttered out of my pale lips.

Blue is a good color;

it was my father’s color and now it shall be mine. 

© 2013 Helena Malheur