Sunday, December 12, 2010

I breathe it in




I found it waiting for me
by the side of the road,
hovering over yellow grass
and patches of snow
peppered on the mountains beyond
and the valleys below--
the peace that left me years ago--:
I breathe it in like the crisp air and
let it pull me closer to the horizon's peak.

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One Stop Poetry picture prompt challenge.

17 comments:

  1. Excellent use of rhythm, an 'accidental' rhyme feel, substance and great visuals make for a solid piece. Good stuff.

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  2. There's something about the landscape in the photo that makes you want to stop and breathe it in. You spotted the peacefulness. Well done. (and sorry for deleting the first try)

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  3. What a wonderful poem, allowing the lovely landscape help you to find the peace you lost years ago.

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  4. Recognizing a long lost peace that is regained = priceless. Excellent poem! Enjoyed it very much.

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  5. Helena, I enjoyed your poem. I love stopping to check out the view and recovering some peace. I had no better word for "it" either.

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  6. The poem is good enough for me to point out a tiny thing that makes a difference to the reading of the poem. Add an e to breath and the poem is lovely. The use of pepper as a verb and hitting us with what is peppered after laying out the scene is beautiful and poignant. Have you considered not capitalizing the beginnings of the lines unless it's the beginning of a sentence? Try it and see what you think of the way it looks. I think your poem can work both ways, but it does change a poem slightly. I keep going back up to read it. I love it.

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  7. Thank you to everyone who stopped by -- I appreciate you reading and commenting.

    @margoroby -- yes! I forgot the e didn't I? oops - I wrote and posted this so fast, I didn't catch it in my final read like I should have. Thank you! And usually, I don’t use capital letters in each line but I prefer it this time -- I will look at it in small caps as you suggested and see if I like it better. I appreciate your insight very much.

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  8. @margoroby -- ok, on second thought, it does look better not capitalized! :)

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  9. Sweet! I love it. Not surprising to me that peace can be found by the side of the mountain... I love the idea of it being there all along, waiting. Lovely poem, thank you.

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  10. Lovely piece, sweet memories of a freedom once known, waiting for us to return to it.

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  11. yeah - sometimes we find what was lost in such moments of silence and open space... nice piece!

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  12. Love the final. It's interesting isn't it how small changes make a difference...another topic I need to cover! I usually try the caps vs non-caps and 1st vs 3rd person point of view because sometimes I am surprised by the difference.

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  13. I really appreciate your insights and lovely comments, everyone. Thank you so much for stopping by.

    @ gospelwriter -- Thank you. I thought it might be an interesting idea.

    @margoroby -- I do the same but most of the time I find that I like writing in first person... I think third person can feel a bit detached (to me anyway) -- hope that doesn't make me seem self-obsessed. :)
    I appreciate you making time to help and suggest improvements -- I’m happy with the final product as well.

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  14. Beatiful little poem! Well done!

    I’d like to wish you a Merry Christmas and to say thank you for the support to Jingle Poetry, with you standing beside us, we are able to continue our efforts by providing the platform for poets who share and encourage…BEST wishes for the year 2011…your poetry has enlightened our community and made us smile.

    Blessings fly your way, Happy Holidays!

    http://jinglepoetry.blogspot.com/

    Hope to see you on Sunday Poetry Potluck again, let me know if you have questions..old poems or poems unrelated to our theme are welcome..

    week 15 theme: reflections, interpretations, and musings.

    Take care!

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I welcome constructive critisism; I am not fragile so go for it -- tell me what you really think!