Wednesday, December 1, 2010

whispers of fidelity

I did not utter a single word,
yet you knew my silence
more than I knew your love.
You stayed in that gloomy den
awaiting daylight while sifting
through the masks and guises
I wore; I was a naked stalk
covered in a stone shell,
afraid to bear fruit --
till your eyes’ whispers of
fidelity cast out the fleshless fear
and doubt dwelling in my heart.

2010 Helena Malheur

NOTE:  Thank you for taking the time to stop by my blog. I'd appreciate it if you could leave a comment, but make it an honest one; I am not fragile. I'd like some constructive criticism if you can oblige, since I am trying to better the quality of my writing.

One Shot Wednesday: week22 at One Stop Poetry - Where Poets, Writers and Artists Meet.


  1. Such sadness here, a powerful, yet elegant unleash of emotion, feelings of neglect - your words lend the image power. Seems an all-too-familiar touch of longing, regret. A talented out-pour, I really did like the imagery you provided here.

  2. Thank you, Chris. I appreciate your in-depth analysis and comment. Very kind of you. I was just reading yours. Loved your write very much -- "Funeral for Reason" - quite simple yet deep.

  3. the opening line is really strong and sets the tone...the only line i struggled with was til your eyes whispers...seems there either needs to be a possessive (which is the way i read it) on the eyes...and i am wondering why there are quotes around til your eyes...i dunno...smiles.

  4. Great word choice - subtle alliteration - hone those skills, cuz you got 'em.

    Why is it all centered?

  5. Brian,
    Thank you. I used 'till instead of until or just till -- that might be confusing. They do look like quotes, but they were not meant to be. (eyes' is supposed to be possessive) I will change 'till to till. I appreciate your input and your lovely comment. :)

    Thank you for your kind comment. It is centered no more! :)

  6. i loved how you start this - it's powerful and resonates within me knew my silence
    more than I knew your love..

  7. It started off as a sad state of affairs, but found redemption in the end. Nice!

  8. This brought tears to my eyes, it so reminded me of my earlier self, and of one who took the time to page through my deep silences.

    ...I was a naked stalk
    covered in a stone shell,
    afraid to bear fruit

    A beautiful write.

  9. Claudia,
    I appreciate the comment and glad you found it to be resonant.

    thank you for the kind comment.

    That is so kind of you -- I am glad you found it to be evocative. I write from the heart and when I get a reaction like yours, it means a great deal. Thank you very much!

  10. This is beautiful, sad and full of emotion.

  11. Helena, as much as I am open to offering critique (it's valuable to me as well) I truly cannot think of anything that would make this better. You elicit a strong emotional response and your imagery is delicious. It's like a poetic striptease.

  12. I'm still new at writing myself and struggles with every post so I may not be able to give a sound advice.But I love your piece.

    Sadness and longing.And then,hope!Like a journey in the dark and finally finding some light.Like Victoria,I don't see a flaw!

    Beautiful one shot,Helena.Was a privilege to read this!

  13. liv2write2day -- "poetic striptease" haha, nice one! Thank you for the kind compliment.

    booguloo -- thank you!

    June_Butterfly -- "sadness and longing then hope" yes! It's great when one can communicate effectively through a piece of writing, so your critique is valuable. I suppose we are all learning -- in varying degrees but learning just the same. Thank you for the kind comment and compliment. I appreciate your input.

  14. What an exquisite way to express fear... I have been there, I can see my old self in your lines :


  15. I can identify this. The fear, the hurt, the wounds...


  16. I loved this one...

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    Twitter: @VerseEveryDay


I welcome constructive critisism; I am not fragile so go for it -- tell me what you really think!