Sunday, January 20, 2013

It’s still too dark in here

I don't need to be desired,
nor do I seek admiring eyes;
I walk with purpose, with dignity,
as if every step is a promise
to something good – an endorsement
for a life well-preserved.   

But this path is a cruel circle;
There are no forks to ponder
or bridges to cross.

I’d never been nearer to a dream
yet felt so far from feeling elation.  
The only constant in my gut 
is the pool of angst standing silent,
steady, stagnant, and stubborn.  
It's still too dark in here.

I carry a hollow heart,
an insatiable longing.
And like an empty cave,
my core echoes, my body raw
with need for warmth –
broad shoulders and gentle arms –.

I was loved, once; but 
he stifled me out of  my own life.  
Perhaps that was not love.

© 2013 Helena Malheur

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Blue is a good color

I have yet to find a bottomless sea;
Inevitably all things float up to the surface
as if summoned by God himself.
Even the grand ocean with its vast secrets
is powerless against blemished memories.

Though God has since given me courage
to walk on this tightrope, this life, 
madness is nearer now; and it walks
not amongst the shadows lurking
behind a fate of my inheritance,

but alongside me in broad daylight. 
It lies next to me as I fall asleep
and talks nonsense in the middle of the night.
It burrows my ever longing heart
widening the wounds that fester inside.

No matter, I shall take its outstretched hand
and walk forward, not a step missed,
nor a whimper uttered out of my pale lips.
Blue is a good color;
it was my father’s color and now it shall be mine. 

© 2013 Helena Malheur