Thursday, March 13, 2014

What Could Have Been

I have always lived inside.
Once, I dared to go outside, 
knowing you'd slip in, unnoticed --
colorless as the air you drew 
from my lips when we kissed.

But I imagine more than I see;
I imagine truth where there are lies 
and lies where there are truths.
And I'm too terrified to trust my eyes.

So I ran to a familiar place; now,
I'm tucked inside my hollow cave, 
crowded by silence and 
suffocating from too much air.

Yet, I feel safe in my sadness.
because I know how to live with it;
It has been my companion for years.
And I couldn't outlive another betrayal.

Still, you skulk around my mind 
stirring nostalgia and regret, 
for having abandoned 
what could have been true.

You'd flung open my heart
before I knew yours.
I sit here, a quiet coward,
waiting to forget you. 

© 2014 Helena Malheur

Saturday, March 8, 2014


If I wanted to be needed,
It isn't to be the object of desire;
It isn't hard to be lusted after.

But if I surrendered to lust
It isn't that I lived to be sinful;
It is because I was derailed.

If I needed to know someone 
Who needed to know me,
It does not make me a dreamer.

And for he who can make my heart 
Play rhythms I cannot pronounce,
I will forever long to be the one.

© 2014 Helena Malheur