Monday, December 6, 2010

Love Song's Serenade

I’ve gone with you to places I’ve invented
and ones I’ve seen in dreams; I’ve written plays
with lines we’ll rehearse when I sleep.

I’ve strolled with you in sunlit meadows,
danced with you under a moonlit night;
I've kissed you a thousand times, and

heard you call me “my love” at least twice.

I’ve leapt into your arms, felt your cupped palms
on my face, sensed your fingers tangling
in my hair; and I’ve listened to your love song’s
serenade, all while never having left this room.

2010 Helena Malheur

Written for  Poetry Potluck (Week 13, Dreams, Visions, And Reveries)
Above sketch (Daydreaming Woman) by Jed Steen

NOTE: I've changed the line breaks after a comment with which I agreed...


  1. love makes words come alive! here's mine-

  2. ah the dream lover, seems to be making the rounds ...brilliant

  3. I love the premise of this poem and beautifully penned words. I'm not sure about the line breaks. I think the repetition of "I've" is good but my first reaction was to question them leading off each line. I'm afraid to say it doesn't work because it does. It's just something to think about. I enjoy your work, Helena.

  4. Tthank you everyone for the comments!

    I appreciate your insightful comment and constructive criticism. I was debating about the line breaks myself and have changed them a few times. It might have been better the way it was before... longer lines. And I actually like the "I've"s myself. Thought it gave it a lyrical quality -- I like repetition sometimes.

    Thank you very much for your candid comment; after all, that is the reason I have this blog -- to improve my writing.

  5. smart piece.
    love the tour your words give.
    keep smiling
    Welcome to JP!


  6. This definitely feels like being in mistaking that feeling...well done!

  7. Imagination makes the world go round especially when love is tied up for a bit.. ..smiles..

  8. Helena, just know that I welcome critique as well. It helps us grow as poets, don't you think?
    Victoria (liv2write2day)BTW, I think you are Helena Bonheur. :0)

  9. Hey Victoria -- Yes!! That is my thought exactly -- and I guess you can call me “Bonheur” now… I’ve been writing a lot of light pieces recently! ;)

  10. oh my goodness!! i LOVE this....gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous...

    must go read it over and over again!!


  11. Lovely :) "all while never having left this room".
    It ends great as well!

  12. Delightful piece. A romantic, upbeat vision - such a dream, such delight. Strong imagery and word choice, really emphasizes the beauty of the work. All the places one can go...and never leave their room.

  13. Helena a beautiful and romantic piece.

  14. So beautiful, dreams so sweet! Thanks for sharing! The image is great!

  15. This was lovely. I read it and when I finished, I sighed...

  16. It is not difficult for many to relate to these feelings and thats why it becomes difficult for a writer to convey these honestly. I think you have done a fabulous job. Thank You for the poem.

  17. smiles...and i hope that it is more than a song...smiles.


I welcome constructive critisism; I am not fragile so go for it -- tell me what you really think!