Mother’s Moon

You are always near 

Appearing and disappearing 

At a moment’s notice 

Glorious as our moon 

Undulating in the darkness 

Erasing the day’s woes 

I see you everywhere 

And nowhere 

Slipping in and out 

Of day dreams

Pretending to be memories 

Your reflection is my reflection 

My eyes and heart my own 

And I miss you mightily 

Every day — 

And as I navigate a world 

Traveling backwards 

Sometimes I wonder 

What you would say 

And if we will ever be ok 

For my mother

A storm can only last so long

It's a beautiful world

Look up, look around;

Be aware of your own presence.

See the master at work;

You are the creator.

Imagine it and it will be yours.

Shapes will become clearer,

And sound more resilient

Than the winds that change

And discourage your flight.

A storm can only last so long.

The sun is waiting to rise

With your spirit, your heart.

Paint the world with love,

Punctuate your steps

With enthusiasm 

And happiness will follow.

Tip your hat to sadness;

Bid it adieu.

It's time to own your fate. 

2014 Helena Malheur 

Right Is Never Right

I heard those five words even before we met, 

Long before I watched the mist settle 

On the white lilies you planted in our backyard --

Tearing the milky fog blanketing the air.

I stood in the rain waiting for the storm. 

I never asked you to stand in the rain. 

Stay under the sun.  Sleep with the moon. 

Scoop the stars from the sky 

And throw them away; I don't need light. 

I am damp as the grass beneath my feet, 

Long after the rain subsided; 

Bones soaked in melancholia, 

Even you can't wring it out of me.

But she, the little lily white bud, bathing in your sun --

She must look up at you, in awe,   

With her big green eyes and dark brown hair. 

I imagined her, ever since I saw the moon light 

Seep through the moss covered trees in your front yard.

And I still refuse to listen to the right voices singing 

The right songs. I listen to your voice. 

I listen to those five little words that sunk a ship. 

"I don't love you anymore."

Because wrong is so right it feeds on denial,

Like a parasite. and right is never right in the wrong light.

In this cricket hour, the remembering hour,

I must forget to remember regret; and once more, 

Abandon a girl more malleable than me. 

P.H.

© 2014 Helena Malheur 

Let Go

Leap fearlessly into the green horizon.

Take a deep breath and feel the brevity

Of this melancholy hour; the battle

Will be over soon, as soon as you let go. 

Let go, because mutiny against reality is futile.

Let go of absurd conjectures of possibility.

Life is happenstance; it is a wonderers paradox.

Let it be erect in its truth, its horror. 

2014 Helena Malheur 

Forget my heart, my song

Seduced by the charms of hope, 

I, dressed like a clown, skipped my heart

Into another beautiful lie -

A wonderfully exquisite lie!

And as the stars rest upon my face, I wish, 

The night would lull me to sleep in peace,

To forget, to seek nothing and need

Nothing of this absurdity, this life. 

No, never-mind despair, its never far; 

Yet its eager to retreat into its cave. My will 

Does not abide by the rules of my heart.

It is the possibility of your return that it fears. 

Let these words of love, these gravid words

Stuck in the back of my throat, inherit 

From my despair, the need to depart;

Let it be so, that you forget my heart, my song. 

© 2014 Helena Malheur 

P.H.

When Dusk Departs

The moon hangs, watching us 

With casual curiosity, its pale blue light 

Peeking through trees ornamented with moss.

Breeze scented with honey suckle

Tosses your hair, my dress.

My heart undulates with lithe clouds 

Dancing over your lips --

The dizzying aroma of coffee and 

Strawberries lingering on your breath;

I drift into your mesmeric gaze. 

Palpable heat hovers in the air

While the night sways with music; 

The silvery rhythm invades my limbs, 

Frees my voice to speak the truth.

You have unearthed my gullible skin

Leaving behind infinite reveries 

Of unquelled yearnings for love.

My fears and doubts forgotten,

I long to rest my pride at your feet.

But I feel your mind retreat, as if 

To escape the noise of the past. 

I watch as a look of disdain barges

Upon your face; I know this look, I fear it. 

I have to believe this is not your heart speaking.

And so, my heart and I lay against your chest  

Unfettered by tomorrow's qualms. 

And when dusk departs, I will 

Sit quietly with my dwelling heart,

Imagining the trees, the honey suckle breeze,

Our fervent breaths, and your topaz gaze 

Shimmering in the light of the moon. 

© 2014 Helena Malheur 

P. H. 

Say What You Mean

Tell me everything;

There is nothing crueler 

Than ambiguity.

Say what you mean. 

Tell me your wants,

Your needs, your fears --

I promise I will not abuse it. 

Say what you mean.

Tell me everything,

Because I will give you 

Everything.

I will give you 

Every ounce of me.

Don't make me guess 

Your unsaid words 

Or decipher your looks 

And coded lines.

Say what you mean.

Say everything, say nothing,

But never tell me lies.

Say what you mean.

Don't make me wait;

That is even crueler.

There are no contests,

No winners or losers.

Dream of love with me.

© 2014 Helena Malheur

Happiness Is

Happiness is to see you,

To feel your hands around my face,

Your eyes holding my gaze for

Longer than I remember to breathe;

It is to sense fragility in your eyes.

Happiness is to hear you,

To hear my heart rising and falling,

Its fast rhythm pulsating 

With the sound of your voice;

It is to never need to speak. 

Happiness is to feel you,

To be nestled in the curves 

Of your arms, the strands of my hair

Stretched out on your chest;

It is to be in the comfort of silence.

Happiness is to know you,

To trust your heart, to be brave 

Enough to say I am yours. It is

To have you as my waking thought 

And my goodnight kiss.

© 2014 Helena Malheur

What Could Have Been

I have always lived inside.

Once, I dared to go outside, 

knowing you'd slip in, unnoticed --

colorless as the air you drew 

from my lips when we kissed.

But I imagine more than I see;

I imagine truth where there are lies 

and lies where there are truths.

And I'm too terrified to trust my eyes.

So I ran to a familiar place; now,

I'm tucked inside my hollow cave, 

crowded by silence and 

suffocating from too much air.

Yet, I feel safe in my sadness.

because I know how to live with it;

It has been my companion for years.

And I couldn't outlive another betrayal.

Still, you skulk around my mind 

stirring nostalgia and regret, 

for having abandoned 

what could have been true.

You'd flung open my heart

before I knew yours.

I sit here, a quiet coward,

waiting to forget you. 

© 2014 Helena Malheur

M.W.

If

If I wanted to be needed,

It isn't to be the object of desire;

It isn't hard to be lusted after.

But if I surrendered to lust

It isn't that I lived to be sinful;

It is because I was derailed.

If I needed to know someone 

Who needed to know me,

It does not make me a dreamer.

And for he who can make my heart 

Play rhythms I cannot pronounce,

I will forever long to be the one.

© 2014 Helena Malheur

I Am Human

They say light illuminates the truth.

But it is in the shadows, it is in the gray 

That one’s truth and character are tested.
Maybe the sun smiles at the lack of wisdom,

Like people smile for no reason;

They smile, smiles shrouded in veiled sentiments,

Hiding their disinclination for the unfamiliar –

Like animals inspecting their quarry.

I do not wish to be normal

(even if conforming is smarter).

I am a dreamer for believing that I
Can change the world

One action at a time -- 

(perhaps I have a touch of grandiosity).

Either way, I know it is a passing ill. 

And I will carry labored hours,

In nights longer than tangential sermons

Of elderly aunts;

Awake in the wee hours of darkness,

Whimsy nearer my bones than my heart,

I ask and answer maddening questions.

I have lost the world in sixty minutes

And claimed to have found it

(hiding under my pillow).
I have reached the end of the world at midnight,

Returned to the beginning 

To find that the world is round, after all 

(to my bitter disappointment).

And no one will dare to break my heart;

But sometimes, I want it broken

Just so I can feel something and know

I am human.

© 2014 Helena Malheur 

Suffused in Sunshine

A subtle smile appears 

Across my face

Throughout the day;

I needn't a reason 

Other than 

Thoughts of you. 

I steal time with you 

At work, at lunch, the store...

Anywhere and everywhere 

I'm able to daydream.

It is as though 

I am suffused in sunshine

Despite the rain and clouds.

You'll find me reminiscing 

Over vivid moments --

The delicate nature 

Of your touch,

Your fingers tracing

My back, my shoulders, 

Your eyes fixed on mine.

I think about your kiss;

The way you hold me,

Nearer than 

I remember being held.

I think about your smile 

And how your laughter 

Transforms you into a boy.

I think about your eyes;

Even you can't tell me

What color they are.

And I, long to breathe the air

Expelled from your lips

While we sleep --

Our bodies intertwined,

Not a sliver of space 

Between us;

I crave the electric joy  

That surges through me

When I open my eyes

To find you next to me. 

© 2013 Helena Malheur

L.A.

Mercy

Can you hear it -

the quiet creeping in

beneath the streets?

Trees stand alone

casting long shadows;

silence echoes

in the hollow street.

I watch a spider squirm

trapped in its own web;

It asks me for mercy.

How am I to give mercy 

when I haven't accepted it? 

© 2013 Helena Malheur

The Present

Anticipation is a drug, 

lifting me higher and higher 

with every minute, every hour,

I wait for you. 

The present is reality

glaring at me with sobering eyes;

it warns my heart to step lightly. 

It reminds me never to forget

other times like this.

But, when I see you, things are easy.

There is no past, no future.

There is only the present. And we

know how to live in the moment.

I carry you with me, 

after you go, leaving behind 

the faint scent of your cologne; 

it is even more apparent  

when the breeze tosses my hair.

© 2013 Helena Malheur

You and I

You and I,

We were extraordinary --

We were unstoppable;

But we left our doors ajar

And the world barged in.

We carried on   

Treading on a tightrope 

Living 

A disillusioned life --

One that was not to be or

Perhaps, it needed not to be. 

We were bystanders  

as despite and devotion 

Coexisted as one --

Perplexed by one another,

Yet insisting on one another.

Perception and reality

Converged and diverged

With each action and reaction,

Stretching the bounds 

Of our fidelity

Until it was no more.

© 2013 Helena Malheur

J.B.

I Am None the Wiser

I loathe fate 

for it has fondled

my heart 

in unconscionable ways.

Age has not done me

any great justice either.

I am none the wiser 

than when I was a toddler.

I speak semi-eloquently

and can hold my liquor;

I doubt that qualifies

as anything significant. 

I love restlessly

and hope endlessly.

The cycle never stops. 

Like a drunken rat in a maze

I never arrive at the prize.

© 2013 Helena Malheur  

Know the Unknowable

Is your heart un-breakable?

Can I count on it 

to be gentle and kind  (even at your worst)?

Can I know it,  admire it -

Can I depend on its fidelity?

I would let you see me

if I could believe you will;

believe that if I let go

of reluctant sentiments

I may be free to be free.  

Is your love undoubtable?

Can I feel the fire burn

without fear it'll burn out?

Can I see it, hear it, 

trust it with certainty? 

I would let you love me

if I could believe you will;

believe that if I learned

to be and to breathe,

I may know the unknowable. 

© 2013 Helena Malheur  

I Don't Know Your Voice

I don't know your voice.

I know the depth of your gaze,

the resonance of your touch,

the linger of your kiss.

You are perfectly awkward

and sly in corridors; you're

ever so present, tender,

in singular moments;

still, you are absent

as the sun after dusk.

And though I am one who

practices guarded abandon

to near perfection,

it is no match for your sway.

I felt my power dissolve  

in a solitary moment -

an unspoken moment -

where you held our ground.

Now, I sift through this urge

to hear your words, to feel

the temperate climate

under your chest, to listen

to your breathing

in sleepless, unforgiving nights.

I wait, clutching dreams

with enough fantasies and fears 

to begin and end

a hundred love affairs.

I shall learn to forget you

when the moon goes home.

© 2013 Helena Malheur

L.A.

Doubt Wins

Fear

brews

in silence;

doubt settles

like dew at dawn,

sweating on everything.

But, the need to be sought

is grander than the frustration

of betraying one’s own thoughts.

Hope rides along, reluctantly;

it aims to mollify a fixation,

submitting to an impulse,

an itch. It always ends

with a balancing act

of love and life

in unrest.

Doubt

wins. 

 © 2013 Helena Malheur 

Life Lived on My Terms

If I had a dream, I’d dream

I am still, silent as the night.

Dawn’s always approaching;

it comes 'round with a life

too fast to be seen, heard, or felt.

And living has become a frill –

for those who don’t do

something worthwhile.

And regret looks on   

from a not too distant future,

wagging its finger in caution.

I want to live for moments;

but there are moments

which stalk the memory –

replaying like viral images –

and there are those which vanish.

The vanishing sort,

are the ones I wish I could keep;

but it has never been up to me.

I want to believe that time is an illusion –

a momentary ill that can be cured.

I want to taste this bitter sweet world,

and feel comfort in the calm

of a life lived on my terms.  

© 2013 Helena Malheur